The middle of the night tries to rob my peace! Can’t sleep again, worrying again, uncomfortable again. I am thankful for technology and the fact that I can listen to a Christ-centered message at 2am that can re frame my perspective and in the midst of long quiet nights of learning, prayer and reflection time, I can feel wrapped in peace.
I know that my anxious nights creep in when I allow my tendencies to want full “life” control, when I believe my ways are better than God’ ways, and when I fix my eyes/mind on fear over faith. As Pastor Craig Groeshel outlined in the video message below, we all want (and take) control in some capacity whether it be something small or something as big as life’s timeline.
My graduate school professor, advisor, and mentor, Dr. C.D. Rudebock, has been teaching and reminding me to pause and be still since the day I met her. Even though I have prayerfully worked on this as I’ve grown into myself as a daughter, wife, student, professional, sibling, and mother I realized how often I’ve pushed others away as I’ve acted blindly in the buzz of wanting to control something. At the very least, I am so thankful that since May’s diagnosis it is somewhat easier for me to pause when it matters most so I can make quicker adjustments. I [try to] draw on that daily and it seems to allow the desire for control to drift away.
In terms of my cancer and fear of not being in control of those nasty little cells being annoyingly creepy in my body; I know I am being given opportunity to really pause, find the stillness even when the fears creep in, and stand in faith that what Paul said about Christ is just as true today as ever…
I don’t want to give up control, but I am open to the idea that there is one safe place to put it and that is with our God.
“But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control.” Philippians 3:20-21 NLT
jenistrong 
Jeni, I hear you and I know what it’s like being awake so much at night but it is a time we can pour out our hearts to Our Father, ask Him any questions except not (why). But suchquestians as What does this mean? And What must we do? Acts 2:12an 37. Graham Cooke has a series of small books entitled “Being With God” An Interactive Journal that really helps us to gain a fresh and more powerful image oh the nature of God. This is book 3 “The nature Of God” $5 right now at brilliantbookhouse.com. These little journals have been a greater learning experience for me an many others because God wants to declare what He is becoming to us in every situation . We must keep learning because we have the best teacher to partner with everyday, The precious Holy Spirit, love an
Prayers, Carol Wayman
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