Friends, it is time I share what has been going on this past week and if you can, please pause for a second and picture me on my knees begging you and everyone you know to pray through this with me and my family because these posts and my time spent sharing intimate details of my journey with cancer are not for social media entertainment or a gossip column about “have you heard about Jeni?!”… I share these details because I have faith in Jesus’ promise (Matthew 17:20 #mustardseedfaith) and the power of prayer. Not the kind of empty “aw, so sad…I’ll pray for you” prayer but EARNEST (James 5:16-18), AUDACIOUS (#joshua), INTENTIONAL prayer. I believe God is good and I believe Jesus died for me so I can live for Him, even if that means I suffer in these small worldly ways. My life was transformed by His Grace and this embarrassing and emotional can-barely-hold-my-baby//lose-my-hair-twice//firstname-basis-with-all-the-doctors//cancer-sucks story will somehow, someway be used for His glory. 
The MRI scan of my brain last week show an unfortunate growth of new cancer around my brain. 
There are a handful of friends and family members that I wasn’t able to call this week starting to cry already, please don’t be sad. 
The good news is that my medical team is very aggressive and put together a treatment plan that has already started. In addition to the continuation of my “chemo pill” Tarceva, I have to visit my friends in the radiation department for whole brain radiation twice a day for two weeks. 
There are so many intentional prayers needed here…I will trust that the spirit leads each of you reading this to know what something specific you can pray with us. (Speak over the cancer cells to leave my body, prayers for the radiation team treating me, prayers over everyone helping me get to the cancer center twice each day, pray for the next scans to be clear, ETC!)
The type of growth in my brain is the same I described at my last hospitalization when Leptomeningeal Disease was found at the base of my spine. This is just a different kind of cancer growth, unlike a typical “tumor mass,” it occurs when tumor cells infiltrate the layers of protective tissue surrounding the brain and spinal cord and begin to grow. So you can better envision, my past brain tumors (2 of which remain in the back of my right and left cerebellum/ 16 of which disappeared after my first round of radiation last summer) were masses in my brain, whereas this new progression of cancer is around the lining of my brain. Even though it’s a different type of cancerous growth, the radiation to my whole brain will cause my hair to fall out once again. 
The good news I have has me praising God for answered prayers! I’ve prayed and prayed and cried and cried over my pain. One of my doctors was able to finally able to put a reason to the rhyme; Cauda Equina Syndrome. My severe lower back pain is due to the leptomeningeal disease at the base of my spine (that we already knew about) damaging all the nerve roots that are down there, causing radiculopathy (a rare condition where nerves don’t work properly), making all of my complaints and tears over severe pain, weakness, and a numb right leg believable! My doctor is confident that three weeks of radiation to this area will reduce the agitation at that site and provide pain relief. Hallelujah! 
I want everyone to know that I am OKAY. I am under the best care where I am and have the best support team (all of you). Please don’t feel obligated to write me unless you feel called to share your prayers and well wishes… I am confident that He hears all of these prayers and that is enough. This week has been painful, but has drawn me and my husband closer, me and my family closer, and given me much much much deeper gratitude for this life I’ve been blessed with. 

Xo #jenistrong 

#herewegoagain 

#considerjesus

Here are a few photos Adam was able to take when the radiation team was fitting me for my radiation mask that holds me in place during treatments. It’s not fun but kind of fascinating. 

Lastly, Please join us in saying goodbye to my hair, again. You all know it’s my favorite part of this! (Isn’t my husband handsome?!)

Don’t you just love when a song perfectly describes how you are feeling? Today I learned that “Praise” is talked about in one form or another more than 300 times in the Bible so before I enter this scary, stormy week of scan reading and treatment planning, I choose to say No to the fear and Yes to the discipline to fuel my heart with songs that draw me nearer to my Healer.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” -2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Sing with me, friends. Surely I’m not the only one in a storm. 

   

“Praise You In This Storm”

-Casting Crowns

I was sure by now

God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

“I’m with you”

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away
And I’ll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I’ve cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm
I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to you

And you raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can’t find You
But as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

“I’m with you”

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I spent half of the day at the cancer center for my monthly dose of Xgeva, which is an injection that is used to stop my bones from further breaking down. Because I have so much pain, it feels like I have bone cancer. But unfortunately, cancer to the bone (different than bone cancer itself) is somewhat common with my kind of advanced lung cancer. Before modern science who could have dreamed up that tiny cells in a healthy young body could mutate on their own and spread from a place of origin through the bloodstream to attack other places? Anyway, my brain and spine scans are next Friday. I am scared that worsening pain down my back and into my seat bones and hips means the bone metastasis have grown more but as always I’m grasping at the straws of faith and in that faith lies the hope for healing and good news. I think the Center’s therapy fish are rooting for me 😉

 

My direct team at the cancer center have truly become like family to me. We’ve cried together along this journey through many talks as you can imagine and of course as the professionals that they are do their best to answer every single question we have along the way. Today was a special day as I can report that our team has officially laughed together. My lead oncologist concluded our meeting (I didn’t have an appointment scheduled with him but since I was there he wanted to talk to me himself) with comments on my elongated eyelashes. He tried not to, but he laughed and repeated it is sometimes a “side effect” of my [chemo] treatment taking us back to early summer when he originally “warned” me and concluded with permission to cut mine when they get in the way. Haha! Note, the top lashes. 

When it arrives at my doorstep like the prized specialty pharmacy package it is, my friend ‘100mg of Tarceva’ and I will be reunited  because there’s too much toxicity between me and my former friend ‘150mg of Tarceva.’ My body has proved that the 50mg difference is worthy of this change and we now ride it out for as long as possible.  But anyone reading this knows, I don’t ride on alone because I have my family, and all my prayer warriors. #jenistrong

Last photo of the day: my mom who we refer to now as Nana waiting with me in our zen conference room where we casually talk about how much cancer sucks, but also how there are angels with us.