November 7, 2016: Beni Strong 

This week Bentley has found her balance and desire to crawl. Like my mom always told me; “where there’s a will, there’s a way!”… and just like Bentley, I am determined to continue the will to defeat cancer to make the way. Bald (for now) and bold. Because every child deserves a mother who follows her faith and never gives up. 

I didn’t have any symptoms or warnings of having cancer until ~6 weeks after Bentley was born on 2/2/16. I was officially diagnosed when she was 14 weeks old on 5/12/16). I think that’s why a lot of people make it seem like our story is more sad than others… No one likes a sad story that involves a young child[ren]. I understand that. 

Other than the obvious fears that I may not have as much earthly time with this sweet girl as I may have hoped for, there have been other not so obvious moments this year that have been painfully hard for me related to being a young mother diagnosed with an ugly disease.  

A few examples: 

-Having to stop breastfeeding immediately the first day I’m hospitalized after initial radiation from tests 

-Being told I won’t be able to conceive and carry another child again 

-Feeling as though I’m embarrassing (physically) to her or just an overall worthless mother because I am not even able to hold my baby while I walk down the hallway or set her gently into her warm bed at night because I am too weak

I know that the enemy wants to use something and someone I love so deep to get to me and convince me of lies. Not in this house! This house continues to be filled with love and laughs. With memories and family time. How beautiful is God to create such joy in my heart through this child… 

Mommy loves you Bentley. I’m so proud of you and how strong you’ve been since day one. Look at you go!