December 16, 2016: A Bittersweet Day

Yesterday I was due for CT Scans on my chest, abdomen, and pelvic area. My oncologist got a really fast read on the scans and was able to call me before the day’s end with good news; no new cancer growth. This means that my current treatment plan is doing what it is supposed to; managing the spread of cancerous cells in my body. This is really great news going into the holidays. My whole family will be together for multiple days! I will have my next round of brain and spinal cord MRIs next month.

The afternoon seemed to be so worthy of praises and celebrations but the pain that I normally have in my hips, back, and down my legs was slowly worsening even through the pain medicine that I had taken; both long lasting that I take morning and night as well as the “breakthrough” dosages I am allowed in between if needed. The pain I was experiencing turned into the worst kind of pain I have felt by late afternoon. What I was feeling could be compared to surges of electricity spiking my inner right leg above the knee- pain so bad that my body winced in an uncontrollable jerk with each surge accompanied by ugly wailing and whimper. After laying for hours with no relief I found myself feeling truly striped of everything I am made of as I laid in my bed helpless, crying out to my husband, parents, and God.

I will just tell you very simply what happened after I told Adam I couldn’t take it any longer:

He held me and laid his hands on me and asked our Healer to give me relief and rest. In the name of Jesus he pleaded and pleaded…he left no room for the pain to hold me hostage. Honestly I do not know what he was saying as my mind was so fogged with the pain I could not shake on my own. He turned on worship music to play lightly in the room and he just comforted me hand in hand.

In time, I was able to fall asleep with relief.

I read once that instead of telling God about our mountains, we should be telling our mountains about God. I think the takeaway of my experience last night is that ^. God knew what I was going through and He was there. He didn’t need me laying there questioning why he was allowing this (not just the current situation but this whole year of chaotic medical confusion) to happen to me. And just as a marriage ought to, Adam stepped in where I could not and had audacious faith and said what needed to be said. Both of my parents stepped in where I could not, and thought of other remedies to calm my body down and make me comfortable.  He was there. He was loving on me through those who were home with me. This is my journey and I am not going through it alone.

Watch out mountains, my God is bigger than I can describe and when you think your slopes are too steep for me and my own strength, I have others with me!