August 8, 2016: Processing Storms 

I have sugar coated stage 4 cancer for almost three months now. I’m tired and some crazy, powerful questioning has caught up. 

Most days, I am nauseous 75+% of the day regardless of what I eat, drink, or mix up (medicine combos). My tummy even wakes me up at night, it will be so bad. I also have extreme pain still in my right leg that comes and goes when nerves feel like firing. Because of where radiation was conducted in my lower pelvis, my digestive system is also struggling in a multitude of ways I never knew existed. It’s not fun, or easy. I sweat a lot, get chills a lot, shake a lot. I trip easily because my leg is numb and sometimes I randomly feel so tired I could sleep until Christmas. I scare myself in the mirror because I hardly recognize my reflection and I take out my frustrations on my husband who has been nothing but hard working to pick up where I can’t be with our family day to day functions. 

Sometimes I feel like I am in a giant nasty ugly storm. 

I definitely feel guilty every time someone says I am inspiring and strong because I feel like I hide behind positive words and photos more often than not. On the flip side, I’ve been brought up to believe in the power of attraction and I’ve grown into my faith in God and my relationship with Christ so much that I am confident in our declarations and prayers and believe that this storm will pass when and how it is meant to. All in all, finding balance is easier said then done. I want to do what I’m being called to do and I want to do it well. But it’s hard. 

I admit that I question why my family and I are in this storm.  I remember my radiation therapist telling me side effects usually last about two months post treatment and I question why? My red blood counts switched with the white and are now low along with ther weird little pieces of medical blood hoopla- why? Then there’s the fun fact that my doctor said the average patient stops responding positively to my pill Tarceva after about one year meaning cancer starts to come back aggressively after successes in management the first year. You bet I’ve questioned WHY. 

I am constantly humbled by other cancer patients’ stories that keep them from much more than I am kept from and like I’ve said before I cannot fathom experiencing this type of journey if my sweet children had any health trial, but sometimes I just want to sit and cry and ask (or beg) the storm to pass. If not for me, for my baby girl who needs her mommy until the year 2090. 

I want her to always remember the strong me. So- as my mom would tell me, swords up! The strength to fight will come from within, where Christ within me takes over 100% because on my own I have very little. Storms always pass anyway, right! 

7 thoughts on “August 8, 2016: Processing Storms 

  1. Carol Wayman says:

    Jeni, I am Carol Wayman, Jo Roe’s sister, and have just read today’s post tonight. I was diagnosed with really bad heart failure at age 51 and was told by Okla. Heart Drs . That I might live maybe 5 yrs,there was no cure. I was working at Osage Co. DHS in the medical unit. I took a 6 mo. Medical leave from work after release from the hospital .I told my Doc that I was not upset because my life was in God’s hands, so no need to worry. When I was 44 yrs old, in July 1982, I was home alone an sat down to read a borrowed Jerusalem bible, fell open to the book of Acts, ch 1:4 the Resurrected Christ presented Himself and told all of them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for thePromise of The Father. He said you have heard this from Me (John 14:16,17,26, an15:26) for John truly baptized with water,but you shall be baptized with The Holy Spirit. Verse 8 says. You shall receive power when The Holy Spirit has come upon you. I began to ask my Father and Jesus about this because I had never heard this taught in all of my earlier Church life. But I asked my Heavenly Father an Jesus if could have this promise and I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit immediately that day. It is essential Jeni that you have the 3rd person of The Trinity our teacher and comforter who never leaves us. I worked again at DHS until age 58 in 1996 I took early retirement, wasn’t well enough to work. I prayed for a heart pacemaker which was not available in the US , and in 2002 OK. Heart got one and put it in me. Four yrs. ago,after another echo-cardigram , my Dr. Said to me we don’t know how this happened but your heart has somehow become normal , no more heart failure. I said Jesus did that I’ve told you about Him all these yrs. I am now 78 yrs, 8 mo.s God’s words supersedes medical facts. It is hard to be sick and suffer but no one loves us like our Trinity God loves us, remember The Father chose us before we knew Him,He drew us toHim and placed us in Christ Jesus. We don’t want just 2/3 of our God we must know all 3 persons of Our God and stay on agreement with what God says about us . Jeni, His light shines brightly in you, we’re standing on the Promises of our God with you, the precious Holy Spirit wanted me to share some of my journey with you tonight. Sent Adam some CDs of Graham Cooke “Radical Perceptions” teaching us believers how to think like God thinks. I’ve been studying his material since last Oct. remember daddy God gave Jesus all His Promises when He cut the New Covenant with Jesus and you,Jeni are a joint heir with Jesus so all bible promises are yours. Love an Prayers, aunt Carol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Robin says:

    Jeni we are praying for you and your dear family, strength comes when we didn’t even know we had any left, keep fighting even tho it’s really hard to get through your day .Your family is picking up where you can’t because they love you and Are fighting with you!!!💕💕much love to you all thank you for sharing ,

    Liked by 1 person

  3. OK Sooner says:

    Hey Jeni,
    Just remember that #jenistrong is an army, and we all have our swords raised with you. I know how hard this post was for because you are the most positive person I have ever met. But God tells us to let our needs be known. When you need help, or encouragement, or you just want to vent that is what we are here for. Tell us specifically what you need and there will be thousands praying for you. What you are going through literally breaks my heart, and I wish there was more I could do to help. But then, I know the most I can do is to pray for you, your family, and your doctors. Your #jenistrong army of prayer warriors loves you! I look forward to seeing you in September.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Rita says:

    You have always been so positive there has to be times when you ask why me? You are only human but you have shown super human strength throughout this struggle because of your faith in God and from the love of your incredible family and all your friends from all over who are praying for you and asking God to heal you and keep you strong in this process – praying for you every day – stay strong sweet Jeni

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Commenter says:

    I’ve researched cancer a decent bit in the last few years. You may want to consider some information. Probably not a silver bullet but some supplements can help greatly. Please consider this.

    Top 3:
    Vitamin D3 – 5,000IU to 10,000IU a day
    Selenium – 200mcg a day
    Melatonin – 5mg to 20mg at night


    Magnesium supplement can be taken at night
    Ginger extract or straight ginger powder
    Turmeric extract or straight turmeric powder
    A few cups of green tea or coffee a day has shown to be helpful also through the amount of antioxidants and polyphenols it contains
    Fish oil or coconut oil would also not hurt and makes the Vitamin D3 more absorbable

    This is the recommendation I would give to anyone close to my loved ones if they came down with a similar illness. I stress the top 3, proven immensely through many studies. Please just google through pubmed, etc..

    Doctors and scientists are giving the Vitamin D3 / Melatonin combination to women with breast cancer at this very moment. It is very safe.


  6. Commenter says:

    Also consider cannabis if things get too rough. It can kill pain and help with nausea. Sincerely trying to help you even though I don’t know you. Goodluck


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