I’ve shared before that Old Testament bible stories have never been on my list of favorite things since my relationship with Jesus exploded in 2012. I still looked at the pages and words of the bible and thought there wasn’t anything in there for me.I love to read but man those wordssssss and pagessssss and old people and regions I can’t pronounce.
And honestly I still look at the bible and think those thoughts until I show up at church and our pastor introduces a story and message that’s so relevant it’s like the sun stands still until it sinks in and is filed somewhere special to draw on later.
What a gift it’s been to hear light and truth, from both the old testament and new over the past few years.
Since being diagnosed with advanced cancer I’ve drawn on messages as symptoms/side effects and emotions have changed and things feel harder.
This week I struggle with patience as my first follow up scans are this Friday and I get to review results with my family and my doctor team early next week to see progression from treatments over the last two months. Because my outward appearance certainly hasn’t gotten any prettier, my body aches and isn’t my own, and my energy levels are that of a 96 year old granny, I’ve had no real visual reward that what I am going through it worth it. “I said YES God, I’ve accepted this. I’ve adjusted as best I can. When does it get better? Im ready for the easy celebration now. Amen, yours truly. Jeni”
My pastor showed us how the book of Hagaii teaches us to refuse a defeatist attitude when we are called to “do the work.” We’re all called to do something. “Go up the mountain” he says. Once we say YES to that, it’s hard work!! No one promises he climb is anything less than difficult… That’s where I am. Im tired. Climbing, slipping, climbing again. Feeling strong one day, in sync with Him and my community, and the next back to my flesh and in a weakness that causes doubt.
The truth: He is with me and you in our climb. His word (that big scary bible) is there to remind us about His love for us and plans for us to reap a harvest we can’t even fathom.
Be strong and do the work. Stone after stone. I know there are so many people on this earth who have struggles each day that don’t even compare to mine. I pray they feel God’s love and strength and find a way to give their all.
You can watch the message that I’ve referred to here: http://www.life.church/watch/the-time-is-now#2
I’m sharing this video of me taking my first Tarceva pill (chemo treatment) even though my brother said it was the cheesiest thing when we did it. I want to be reminded of how far I’ve come and even though I don’t have tangible results of the final draft of my journey, I know I’m on path with His will and can be encouraged by all that is beautiful around me along the way, even the hard work.